It's Been Too Long!

Well...my one thrilling thing of the summer was that I got to go to the beach, my favorite place in the world:)

There were some downsides to my trip: I was with my mother and sister for a 9 hour drive and 4 days. That should put anyone at risk for psychosis. Haha

But I did enjoy my time. Enjoyed standing in the ocean and dreaming of the day I'll live on the beach.



Quite a bit has changed since I last wrote. I no longer live with my mom (as of 3 days ago). I moved in with a great couple I've known for a few years and so far I'm loving the arrangement. My mother took the news well (as opposed to last time I left) and our relationship has gotten better, as I'd hoped.
My sister is still out of control crazy over her boyfriend and she's only 16. She swears up and down she's going to marry him. That's so crazy to me. Maybe it's because I'm so independent?
I'm still out of a job, but I'm really believing I wont be saying that for much longer.
I'm still crazy over that British guy, Richard. He still doesn't know. I'm still contemplating on asking him to visit...or if he would like for me to visit him. I really want to meet him. I feel like it would be the key defining point in our friendship as to where we would go from there.
I'll be attending school in the fall again, and it's going to be a hard semester. I am worried about after this semester how things will go money wise. But I'm trying to just put it in God's hands completely. He's done so much for me already.
Once school starts I'm hoping to get into a consistent schedule, including a work out schedule. I'm ready to start toning up again and losing unwanted weight (like everyone else I know) and I believe that I have more motivation than most people to do it.
I miss playing in an orchestra. I feel like I'm losing music. I really, really, want a keyboard so I can teach myself to play. I'm contemplating also, whether or not I should sell my clarinet and my sax...becuase I don't play them a lot now that I'm not in any sort of orchestra. But I'm so hesitant because I love my instruments...
*sigh*

I keep telling myself, "oh I really need to play" but I end up never making time. How sad???!!! I never wanted to be like some of the people I know who invest so much time in music and their instrument and just drop it. But I'm slowly becoming that way. Yes I still sing and pick up my guitar every now and agian...but I'm still not happy with myself. I pride myself on being musicly talented and here I am just waisting it away, it seems.

It's day 39 of Texas' over 100 degree heat temp with no rain. Talk about MISERABLE. If you don't live in Dallas...be ever so thankful!

Well that's really all that's remotely interesting to tell yall.

Keep livin' the dream!
Rae

Figuring Things Out...

Hello everyone,

Well I'm a little down-troddened by no comments/advice/input/opinios.  
:/
Oh well. Since the whole homeless bit...a lot has happened. My roommate ended up kicking me out before the deadline just because she could. Tramp. And I was forced to my mother's house drowned with cigarette smoke and beer. Ugh. Whoever invented cigs...lets just hope they never meet me in the line at the pearly gates.
I got a bite about a job at a cafe place that wont really pay much, but hey it's a definite job.
I'm currently in Fort Worth with my dad looking for better work up here. I don't know if I like it here. Everyone I am devoted to and everything I do is back home. I'm just not comfortable here. I've never lived with my father before...and I feel like I just don't fit in with him and his new family. It's so odd.

But I've only been here a couple of days and so I don't want to be rash. But as for now, I'm thinkin of just stickin it out at the smoke hut called "mom's." Hah.
I just...hate being in this situation. I'm trying not to be bitter towards Kim, but it is so hard.

I feel for soldiers. I know that's random, but I'm watching a show on soldiers and their life in war and PTSD. My step-mom recently got back from Iraq and suffers from it. It's hard. Watching this helps me understand her better. I can't imagine.

Well that's it for my life as of now really.

I wish yall well,

Rae

Invincible

I'm the biggest Muse fan you'll ever meet.

And my favorite line from their song, Invincible is:
"Follow through, make your dreams come true, don't give up the fight, you will be all right, 'cause there's no one like you in the universe..."

It's utter perfection:)

I've decided this is my life's theme song, so I hope you enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxXtQmy0RZY

With love and hope,

Rae

Not only am I jobless, I'm homeless

Well folks, life ain't been no crystal stare...or something like that.

Saturday I woke up to my roommate telling me she didn't want me staying in her house anymore. Mind you, I have never missed rent even though I've been without a job since mid March. Ugh!
It was like an "Are you kidding me, world??!!" moment. Awful, awful, and more awful. Finding out you have no job and absolutely no place to go after the end of June. Two weeks. That's all she's given me. I should have seen this coming though.
She did the very same thing to her previous roomie, Alison. She had just recently lost her job and had no family in Texas. Lovely right?
Never trust a girl named Kimberly. No good can come from one of those I'm sure.
So I'm on the job hunt 120% now and I'm hoping something turns up. And hopefully...prayerfully...someone will be gracious enough to put me up until I find an actual place.
They always say "when life gives you lemons..." but I just don't know how to see past this at the moment.
And all those stupid cliches that people say because they want to comfort you and they don't know what else to say, only make things worse sometimes.
Eh.
These are the days I'd love to be anyone but me. I just feel like I can never get up after a fall and somehow I'm just going deeper and deeper down.

Color me frustrated, angry, shocked, and seriously overwhelmed. (might not be the prettiest color, but at least it's a color lol).


Adios mi amigos,

Rae

Randomness Here and There

Hola!

I have 3 followers as of today! How exciting:)
So I went to my old Highschool's graduation today. Watched a few friends graduate. It was nice, and made me miss highschool...for like a spit second! Haha. Saw some old friends too. Don't you love that? Just seeing how random people are doing when you haven't seen them in years and you used to see them everyday? I think it's interesting.
I've started watching Gilmore Girls. My best friend Stephanie loves it so, I thought I'd give it a shot. Since I have all this free time (Still job hunting, as you can assume). I've been working outside for extra cash, but it's been hotter than a firecracker on the Fourth of July here in Texas. Go figure! 
I've also been working out to Jillian Michaels...what a BEAST. I've seen some serious progress, so it's paying off. On the other hand, I've also been an eating machine! Is that nomal? When you work out a lot, I'm guessing you need more energy...which comes from food...? Anyways...
So I met this guy. His name is Richard and he lives in England. Well, I've never met him in person, we met on yahoo and now we keep in touch through Skype. He's so wonderful, and I really like him...but I don't know what to think about the whole situation. I know people meet online all the time, that's not the odd part. It's just that we've been talking for almost a year now, we even planned a trip to Italy together. Do you think things like this work out? I mean there's a 6 hour time difference, an ocean between us, a cultural difference (although he loves my Southern style ;p), and the fact that I don't know if he even thinks of me the way I think of him. I just don't want to lose the great companionship by saying something and it freaking him out.
I feel like a crazy person. A common feeling among my life lately. Hah. Tell me what you think...please and thank you!!!
In other news....
There isn't a whole lot I think you'd be interested in. I've taken up cooking. I mean, I always cooked, but I've gone far in it. I'm pretty darn good too, if I say so myself! I've been finding some great recipes on Stubleupon.com. I love that site. I find sooo many cute ideas and really cool things. Go there!
I'm considering Marine Biology as my serious career move...there's still the F.B.I fantasy here and there, haha, but I think it's only the Criminal Minds and Forensic Files talking.
All I wanna do is go to the beach! It's all I can think about. Soon. Soon. Oh and I'm looking for some really great beach-ish music for a playlist when I go visit my grampa this summer. Any suggestions are welcome!

Well have a lovely and fun Saturday night for me, and have a fantastic week!

Every happiness,

Rae

First Blog Ever!

Hello everyone!

This is my very first blog...I've kind of always wanted to do this and just never had the time until now (thanks to unemployment in America!). I've been kind of down lately because I don't have a job. I've been trying to make myself busy by cleaning the house over and over again, cooking, anything. But when all that's done, I sit on my butt and watch Criminal Minds all day until I read one of the four books I'm reading at the moment. I'm losing my mind! I've always worked two jobs and gone to school. Now school is out, and I only have a small cleaning job that only makes 100 bucks a week. I can't stand it. But it is more than a lot of people have I guess. Although I love Criminal Minds, it's making me paranoid haha. I feel like everyone trying to approach me is a sociopath or serial killer. I'm out of control, I know. I've always sort of been like that though. I make sure at least one person knows where I am or where I'm going (pretty safe and smart if I do say so myself) and I have an emergency bag packed in my car (never can be too prepared I guess). This whole not having a job thing is awful to the nth degree. I have all these crafts and projects I want to do...and no money to buy the supplies, rendering me completely bored. It's a vicious cylce, and I wouldn't wish unemployment on anyone. Well hopefully this week goes decently good. It's all I'm askin for these days since I don't get much good news. Maybe one of the thousand applications my poor right hand filed out will turn into a phone call, interview, and then JOB! A girl can dream...
I don't really know how long these should be...or really anything. But any tips or feedback would be great. I wish I had some great stories to tell. Maybe in the blogs to come.
I wish you every happiness (someone needs to be!),

Rae